not the shining example

I am certainly not the shining example of aa today, but am gritting my rebellious teeth and going to the 10 am meeting today despite my 100's of self-centered fears.

Looking for a housemate has helped me connect back with the program, so that's a blessing. I was just chatting with a woman I met Thursday night in the rooms and she may decide to go into a clean and sober transitional type house. I apologized to her for not returning her call all day yesterday. I explained that I just kind of spaced out and took myself and my dog out to Bodega Bay for no real reason and just abdicated every form of responsibility. It felt great but then when I got home, I ate up this huge thing of bread, stared at the mess in my house and felt too exhausted to address it, which bummed me out.

Another weird thing, not sure what to make of it - the woman who was fired from my current work, the woman who left a job opening so that I then could fill it; she left some personal documents on the computer. Among them was a first step she was writing.

I felt sad to see this, guilty for taking her job (in a way), and have said a couple of prayers that she is staying sober and doing ok.

I feel like there's so much to do and not enough time / energy / space to do it. Is that because I've overbooked myself (definitely could be) or because I've been eating things that sap my energy (also could be.) Whatever it is, I'm sick of it and feel angry and sad. I know the meeting will help me get on track.